The Grad Voice

It's amazing how our government cares about us so much. I used to think that we elected leaders and paid taxes to protect us from harm, create social welfare programs, and to build the required public infrastructure. Boy, was I wrong. They do so much more! They protect me from me. I wish I had known before that the government is there to protect us against ourselves. I wouldn't have spent so much time criticizing them.

It seems that in 2006, the Republicans sponsored a bill banning Internet gambling. This bill fell under the umbrella of the "American Values Agenda." The passing of the bill was perceived as a win for those who want to protect Americans from the addictive element of gambling. Thank God cigarettes aren't addictive. Can you imagine if the government had to straddle that beast and ride it into the ground? Thank you, American Values Agenda, for showing me the way.

Anyway, after banning online poker sites, it seems the agenda was to go after bigger fish. According to the Merrian-Webster dictionary, gambling is defined as "to bet on an uncertain outcome." To truly eliminate the gambling vice from our evil veins, the government would have to move beyond poker and think much bigger. But where could they tackle something of that magnitude? Dow Jones, perhaps?

Day after day, American investors move billions of dollars into risky ventures hoping for high returns. To truly eliminate this epic vice, it seems our government wants to eliminate our ability to gamble with our own money in the free markets. Sure, right now the government is just bailing out the financial institutions that must stay intact for our economy to survive. But before you now it, the government will be bailing out the local McDonalds because I'll be damned if Joe Six-Pack doesn't get his happy meal (and that is tasty little addiction in itself).

With no risk of failing, there is no reward for succeeding and thereby eliminating the need for investment. Yay! Good guys win! I can't wait for the day when the markets crash, our economy collapses, and those who bought Segways rule the land. At least we'll have our values. Thanks government. Hip hip hooray.

Article Tools