The Benefits of an MBA Education to Eavesdroppable Snark
Miffy Miffington The Third
Issue date: 11/1/08 Section: Grad Vice
You know when you're in a nice, dimly lit, newly opened New York hot spot and you just really wish the arrogant prick in the stripy button down sitting at the table next to you would realize that he is of infinitely inferior intelligence compared to you? Yes you do. Don't lie. You, like all of us humble humans, have experienced the urge to awe people with your vastly superior bailout plan and have secretly hoped that the guy riding the subway next to you is listening in and totally agreeing with your estimable grasp of macroeconomic factors.
Do you know how I know the phrase "macroeconomic factors?" I learned it in my MBA. Just the other day, I used it during a round of Buck Hunter at the bar and, while no one would be so rude as to admit they were eavesdropping to glean the shining wheat from my equally brilliant chaff, I know they totally were. I bet they went home and wept into the arms of the type of bottom tier woman (who doesn't date MBAs) about their lack of business jargon. Who wants an MBA for the job prospects? I want mine to cause eavesdropping-induced low self esteem in the dude ordering whatever it is that people who aren't classy enough to drink Grey Goose are buying over there at the bar. I bet it's beer. Bastard.
Just last week my Accounting professor totally broke down arguments blaming our economic woes on marked to market accounting. It was awesome! I was worried though, because generally people in hot, trendy, model filled bars don't talk about FASB standards - thus reducing its worth as something I can yell at an unreasonably loud volume over my martini for everyone to be impressed by. Then, I happened to be in a classy hotel lounge and someone who has NO freaking clue what he was talking about was engaged in a loud conversation about marked to market accounting with a couple of ladies. Do you know what I did? Do you know how I squeezed value out of my tuition for my MBA? I walked myself up to the stool next to him, pretended I had no idea what he'd been talking about and explained to my date why anyone who expressed the ideas he'd just proclaimed was a total moron. Oh yeah. I bet that guy wishes he had an MBA!
But what if the only bars you go to are chock full of MBA's? Guess what! No matter what major you are, finance, accounting, stats (anything but marketing really), you can totally still shoot someone a withering stare, laugh contemptuously at their alcohol sodden theories on the free market and say something vague like "Yeah, I bet you think Bretton Woods was better before readjustment too." They won't know what you're talking about, they were asleep in class just like everyone else! It's foolproof! Afterwards, you can retire to your bar stool in the cozy knowledge that you may have the social skills of Pat Bateman, but everyone thinks you're totally smarter than they are. That should serve as sweet solace when you try to find some sort of job after you graduate.
Do you know how I know the phrase "macroeconomic factors?" I learned it in my MBA. Just the other day, I used it during a round of Buck Hunter at the bar and, while no one would be so rude as to admit they were eavesdropping to glean the shining wheat from my equally brilliant chaff, I know they totally were. I bet they went home and wept into the arms of the type of bottom tier woman (who doesn't date MBAs) about their lack of business jargon. Who wants an MBA for the job prospects? I want mine to cause eavesdropping-induced low self esteem in the dude ordering whatever it is that people who aren't classy enough to drink Grey Goose are buying over there at the bar. I bet it's beer. Bastard.
Just last week my Accounting professor totally broke down arguments blaming our economic woes on marked to market accounting. It was awesome! I was worried though, because generally people in hot, trendy, model filled bars don't talk about FASB standards - thus reducing its worth as something I can yell at an unreasonably loud volume over my martini for everyone to be impressed by. Then, I happened to be in a classy hotel lounge and someone who has NO freaking clue what he was talking about was engaged in a loud conversation about marked to market accounting with a couple of ladies. Do you know what I did? Do you know how I squeezed value out of my tuition for my MBA? I walked myself up to the stool next to him, pretended I had no idea what he'd been talking about and explained to my date why anyone who expressed the ideas he'd just proclaimed was a total moron. Oh yeah. I bet that guy wishes he had an MBA!
But what if the only bars you go to are chock full of MBA's? Guess what! No matter what major you are, finance, accounting, stats (anything but marketing really), you can totally still shoot someone a withering stare, laugh contemptuously at their alcohol sodden theories on the free market and say something vague like "Yeah, I bet you think Bretton Woods was better before readjustment too." They won't know what you're talking about, they were asleep in class just like everyone else! It's foolproof! Afterwards, you can retire to your bar stool in the cozy knowledge that you may have the social skills of Pat Bateman, but everyone thinks you're totally smarter than they are. That should serve as sweet solace when you try to find some sort of job after you graduate.
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